What do you do when your child start lying about everything?

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by kokimboka, Dec 12, 2016.

  1. kokimboka

    kokimboka New Member

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    My son turned 9 years recently.My worry is that, he's taken up a habit of lying about almost everything. I raised my concerns to a friend who has older children and she told me that it is normal. It is just a stage and he will get over it.how true is this?
     
  2. Greengrl

    Greengrl New Member

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    Honesty is a big thing in my family. I expect my kids to be truthful and they receive consequences when they lie. If they lie to try and get out of trouble, the consequence is much worse.
    My youngest makes up stories for no reason at all, rarely to us, her family. Its usually to impress her friends and try to seem more grown up. This always seems to backfire on her, and I end up finding out.
    I think it is important to be honest, and I want my children to realize that lying doesn't really make things better.
     
  3. Alexandoy

    Alexandoy Well-Known Member

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    I guess this art of lying is in the nature of humans and we have to make an effort to curtail the child’s lying before it becomes a habit. My parents were quite religious and maybe that was a good instrument in teaching us, their children, of good manners and living a good life free from sins. It was instilled in our minds that lying is a sin and we should avoid it at all times because God will not like it. To a child, those words were scary.
     
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  4. Mika

    Mika Active Member

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    The child doesn't know it that he is doing anything wrong in the beginning but the responsibility lies with the parents to guide him what is wrong and what is right for him. A child does it for the sake of his image building in the beginning but if he doesn't get a proper guidance it becomes his permanent nature.
     
  5. Nocturnal Writer

    Nocturnal Writer Active Member

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    We have a 3-year old granddaugther who is very smart and she knows how to evade things if she did something wrong. When she did something amiss she wont admit the mistake. Instead she reasoned out. We never scold her or reprimand her but rather cited her some stories of a good boy or a person who is honest and never tells a lie. And it works. Besides, she always attending a Sunday school where her teacher is giving them a lesson on honesty.
     
  6. Decentlady

    Decentlady Active Member

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    It is a matter of reinforcing the fact that lieing is bad. It is not uncommon for children to lie just for the heck of it but making them understand that it is a wrong thing to do helps.

    One may relate an illness or a bad happening with lieing and try to make them see how wrong lieimg could be.

    Most children do grow out of the habit though.
     
  7. tony

    tony Active Member

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    The environment or circumstances under which the child grows I believe plays a big role in the kind of characters they exhibit. I find it hard to think it is normal for children to lie. Make conscious effort to get to know what is causing the child to lie, is it that you are too high handed or is he learning the negative trait from others.
     
  8. kamai

    kamai Active Member

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    I will be honest I remember lying to my mom many times when I was a kid. I remember doing so when I was afraid of what she would say or do. I would sometimes do something but then later I would find out she would get mad for my actions so I opted to lie to her so I wouldn't get in trouble. I was afraid bacause she was so strict.
     
  9. Jester85

    Jester85 Member

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    I think most or all kids tell "fibs" to greater or lesser extents, but if it becomes a continuous issue, I think the parent needs to take steps to curtail it before it gets too out of hand, otherwise it'll become a learned behavior and get bigger and more complex as they grow up.

    I think it's important to root out why they feel the need to lie, truly impress upon them that lying is wrong, rather than simply punish them. Finding out motivations is important in this kind of behavior. A lot of kids lie out of fear of punishment which may or may not be well-founded.

    You should absolutely have rules for your children, but they should also have respect for you as opposed to outright fear, and feel like they can come to you in honesty, even if they've done something wrong.
     
  10. Mika

    Mika Active Member

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    I agree that Children makeup stories to impress their audience but they do not know the difference in between lying and boasting. I would give them a benefit of doubt unless they are doing it regularly and knowingly. I don't think a kid of 3 would take any advantage by telling half truths intentionally.
     
  11. firstcry

    firstcry Active Member

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    I think up to a certain age we should not take it up seriously and no extreme measure as we all came through the these stages of life. It's somewhat related to their growing too. But if it is out of control or having serious consequences we should take it seriously. They somehow get this habit from school or from the parents at home. As a nine year old kid can understand things logically I think it is a good way to communicate the message through stories. The emphasis should be given on what happened to the person who lied in that story. We should give him a clear message that we do not appreciate lie and it is really a bad thing.
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2016
  12. janemarie

    janemarie Member

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    You need to let him know that truth is important, and to learn to tell the truth is paramount within a family environment. When he is older he may just need his families help, and it is only his family that can be there for him. If they know the truth of any particular matter then they can help him and family are the ones who should show that loyalty.

    Myself, I know that no matter what I do, I can tell my family. They might not like what I have done, or agree, but they would be there for me and help me through the repercussions, even if it was in the hope of healing and learning from my mistake.

    Your son needs to know why, he needs a reason why he should tell the truth, and when and if it is okay to lie. This is the parents challenge, our children let us know when they want to learn something, and now is the time for you to teach your son about lying and truth.
     
  13. pwarbi

    pwarbi Active Member

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    In my experience then I think that every child will go through a stage of lying about things instead of owning up and telling the truth. As a parent then it's obviously important to be able to speak to the child and make them see that they are doing wrong and that being honest is THE only way to be, but at the same time we have to realise that a child will also want to be able to avoid getting into trouble, so lying is certainly going to be appealing to them.

    Depending on the age of the child as well, that's something else I would look at as a parent before I decided on the punishment, and a 6, 7 or 8 year old lying isn't as bad as a 16 year old because by that age they should certainly know better.
     
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  14. Binu

    Binu Member

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    we all tell white lies,however, serious lies are not accepted in adults, which must also be well practiced in kids.Children are prone to lying because they cannot differentiate facts with fictions. Children are more imaginative than the adults, thus they tell more lies. A 3 or 4 years kid can tell lies because when he is telling lies most of the time he is using his imagination. For older kids it should be considered serious issue.
     
  15. tyche

    tyche Active Member

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    I didn't lie a lot when I was a kid, but for habitual liars, they lie about every little thing. I think you should just instill fear in your son by spanking him when he lies, because he will remember the pain that you inflicted him when he lied, so I think that can be enough of a deterrent for him not to do it again. Pain is a good way to scare kids, although when they become teenagers, you should change your approach, since hitting them would just make them rebel.
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2017
  16. TheKnight

    TheKnight Active Member

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    I have noticed that children lie when they're afraid to get hit or be scolded. You should make it clear that everyone makes mistakes and if it's only a mistake, they won't be punished or scolded and they should tell the truth. You should also make it clear that if they did something on purpose, they shouldn't lie and will be scolded but that you still love them and anything they did won't change that. I find that kids lie when they fear their parents.

    @tyche The child might end up lying more to avoid a spanking thinking they would get spanked for everything. Having children fear you is never good. Talk firmly, don't be physical. When they're older, maybe then be physical such as a spanking but anyone 10 or below shouldn't.
     
  17. Mika

    Mika Active Member

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    It's a shock when you realize that your child has developed a habit of hiding things or not telling the truth. Let's accept it that there is a simple reason behind his habit of lying or hiding the fact, he is not getting your proper attention or guidance. The first and most important factor about children developing habit of lying is hidden in the fact that you have not taken a proper care or not taken him in full confidence. Parents must talk to their wards in friendly manner, sorting all their problems out and assuring them that they are with them no matter what goes wrong. Children will share all their problems with you without having to lie about them.
     
  18. Shine_Spirit

    Shine_Spirit Member

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    When this happens, the best thing to do is to sit down and have a very serious conversation about it (obviously considering the age of the child, so the approach to the subject is differentiated... and this makes all the difference in the expected result).

    It's a very complicated phase, and if it's not stopped soon, it will be much more complicated to be circumvented in the future. The sooner you talk, the better are the chances of solving the problem.

    P.S: It's important to remember... Serious punishments will never bring the real solution to the problem.
     

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