Teenagers being disrespectful ; Is it parents fault?

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by Heatman, Sep 21, 2017.

  1. Heatman

    Heatman Active Member

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    There has been a growing pattern in my observations lately especially in the developing countries as I wouldn't say the same thing explicitly about the Western world since I haven't been there. There is this ever growing behavior of kids being disrespectful here to their elders.

    They lack manners or any from of respect, even to simply afford an elder the courtesy of greetings, they find it difficult to do so. Most times these their attitude and abnormal behavior gets me so angry that I keep on wondering if it's their parents failing to imbibe moral values in them or is it coming from other source of influence?
     
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  2. johnny666

    johnny666 New Member

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    Perhaps, yes but 95% still depends on teenagers and their environment or influences. Most teenagers are disrespectful and they are making fun of it all the time. I think that's one part of their way to becoming a mature beings.
     
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  3. KloeRinz

    KloeRinz Member

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    That depends, really. After all, some teenagers are disrespectful because of their environment. Another possibility is that they have a grudge towards their parents. Also, high-stress levels may cause teenagers to show undesirable behavior. It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility to keep your children in check.
     
  4. Holmes22

    Holmes22 Active Member

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    It seems to be that I am seeing this more na dmore, although maybe all of the news just seems to make it more apparent. Either way, it is not good to see and hope that something is being done to address it, but it does fall on the parents largely so it just depends.
     
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  5. Rock1987

    Rock1987 New Member

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    I really depends on the country and location. In America and in Western European Countries some of the teenagers are disrespecting their parents. Maybe the children are abused by the parents, so they are being disrespectful. In India most of the children respect their parents and care for them in their old ages. Parents care for their children, so they get respect back in return.
     
  6. tyche

    tyche Active Member

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    Well it's always a case to case basis when it comes to how the child was raised, and even if the child was raised properly, he might not have a good personality to begin with, so he would end up being disrespectful to adults.
     
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  7. KloeRinz

    KloeRinz Member

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    Well, any factor can be blamed. You could blame the innate personality, the environment, or the parenting. But in the end, it's usually the parents' responsibility to see through their children and correct them. However, not all cases end up well. And in fact, forced discipline could lead to frustration among teenagers.
     
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  8. tyche

    tyche Active Member

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    @KloeRinz, Yes that's true, and I had such controlling parents that resorted to violence to discipline us, and it didn't really work. I still answered back and did what they forbade me to do behind their backs. So basically, violence is not the answer in disciplining a child. When the child matures maybe he will learn to respect their elders.
     
  9. Alexandoy

    Alexandoy Well-Known Member

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    Pardon me for this comment but I think the parents are only secondary when it comes to the child's behavior. A child gets his learning from the parents, maybe 90% of his learning. But when the child starts schooling, his personality is molded by the parents, teachers, and most of all, his classmates and friends. So for disrespectful children, I wouldn't blame the parents as the main culprit. A teenager should be held responsible for his actions.
     
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  10. Miches

    Miches Active Member

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    While the environment outside the home also plays a big part on the child's behavior, the overwhelming influence would still be the child's upbringing from his childhood up. A child who had been brought up in a gentle and loving family is less likely to be rude and uncaring when he grows up. Children who had been taught good manners are likely to retain them when they are consistently reinforced. Well-behaved children can't turn into ill-mannered teens overnight just because they went to school or met new acquaintances. Even the choice of school or neighborhood is up to the parents.

    So yeah, I'm placing the bigger responsibility on the parents or guardians. I myself have seen how some modern parents actually laugh and enjoy it when they see their child talk or act like he/she is of the same age as the older members of the family. They think it was smart because it was something their generation can't do. Well, good luck to these parents.
     
  11. Kieranlewix

    Kieranlewix Member

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    I can relate to this scenario very much Heatman .It is no one's fault that teenagers change behavior when they get to that bridge.You are very right,it becomes so hard to show respect to parents when they don't seem to acknowledge that you have grown both physically and emotionally.Yes,this is why you will find that if you have a kid for example,when they are in their teens you will disagree all the time.Toddlers and middle level children are easy to control because they look up to you as a role model.They have not experienced the world and formed their own opinion about it.It is often hard for parents to actually digest the idea that their children are growing up and that is why it becomes so hard to accord them the much needed respect.

    Respecting your child simply means giving them a voice.Listen to their ideas and don't shadow the conversation.I have had such an experience with my parents when it came to this matter.Every time I would suggest something the answer would be "no" and the reason given for the "no" would be that I have no idea what I was talking about.I had once watched an advertisement on the telly about investing in shares and suggested that to my parents.Instead of discussing the issue.they jumped right to telling me how at my age they had no food and clothes and that I should study hard and stop thinking of such useless issues.Of course I felt bad.The most surprising thing is that now they both have shares at a local bank.

    So what is my point?As a parent you do have your opinions about teenagers lives,but when the time comes when your child gets to teenage,learn to lend a listening ear.The truth of he matter is that if you don't listen to your child they will find someone else to talk to about their issues and ideas.Eventually when they get accustomed to sharing their ideas with other people and not you,they will stop caring what you think about anything.As a person who is just over the teenage bracket by a year I think you should take my idea seriously and you will see results.All the best!
     
  12. littlewitch66

    littlewitch66 Active Member

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    I remember when I was young we were taught to respect our elders and we would never have behaved in a way that young people do now. However, this did not stop me from being a difficult teenager and I remember being awful to my parents sometimes so maybe things weren't so different.

    My own children were very different. My daughter has always treated me with respect whereas my son not so much. My granddaughter can be very rude too. I think it has a lot to do with character and wilfulness, some children are much easier to reason with than others. It also depends on who they are friendly with as peer pressure has a strong influence on some children.

    There are so many factors that can influence a child's behaviour these days and I don't pretend to know how to deal with it all. I guess I'm like many others. I muddle through, do the best I can and hope that in the end the important stuff will stick in my granddaughter's mind and she will turn into a well rounded decent human being.
     
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2017
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  13. Risa

    Risa Starlight Baby Employee Staff Member

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    In my opinion, teenagers are already grown ups and it is quite impossible that they still do not know what they're doing. They are responsible for their own actions. Of course, parents do have the initial influence on their upbringing but as they grow up, a lot of factors may also mold their behaviour just like what @Alexandoy said. Peer pressure is at its greatest during this period since teenagers identify with their peer group to have a sense of involvement in the society. However, it is still up to them if at the end of the day, they would pursue the bad behavior or not. Parents need to support teenagers too, and be available when their teens need them. In this manner, they could guide the teens in choosing the right path and become good citizens later on.
     
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  14. Folk Artist

    Folk Artist Active Member

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    I remember growing up and going through the teen years and making it through this transitional period in my life,so they do need help from parents and elders,relatives and even teachers. I remember the "Peer Pressure" thing,but to me it seemed like a excuse to get away with things as a kid. I do think kids make their own choices about things,so I would say you have to take the kids personality into account-because lets face it, every kid kind of makes his own choices. If that kid is taught the right values at home though- like to respect your elders,they have a better chance of making better choices. I think grown-ups can get out of line sometimes and I have experienced this as a kid as well. My grandma used to come over to help with things around our house when I was a kid-and my dad would get out of line,and she would say to him -"respect your elders" which was kind of odd and funny at the same time, to a kid back then in my life(haha)!
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2017
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  15. HazelDJ

    HazelDJ New Member

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    In my opinion, parents plays a great role in nurturing a child. This includes teaching the values. A proverb says like this, "Teach a child the way he should go so that when matures, he will not depart from it." The parents should be the first model when an individual starts growing and learning, I believe that is not easy for the parents to live righteously but it their role. It is also said, what is right in the eyes of the parents is also right in the eyes of child. If a child is inflicted of what is moral, he will not deviate from the right attitudes even he is surrounded with bad influence.
     
  16. amitkokiladitya

    amitkokiladitya Active Member

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    There is no doubt that environment plays a very vital role in the development of a child's personality. But, at the same time I also feel that sometimes the situation gets out of control for reasons unknown.

    I have witnessed most spoiled brats to the most sophisticated parents. It is really hard to figure out the trait responsible for this behavior so I don't think it is wise to blame the parents for a child's irrational behavior.
     
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  17. littlewitch66

    littlewitch66 Active Member

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    I agree with this having had two children brought up the same but taking completely different directions in life.

    I actually remember criticising one of my friends about the way she was bringing up her child becaue I thought she was too hard on her. Boy did that come back on me when I had a child that was twice as bad! It's so easy to blame the parents or to become smug because our child has turned out well but never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes. Some children are just hell bent on destroying their lives and of those around them and it doesn't matter what their parents do to try and help it doesn't work.
     
  18. Nocturnal Writer

    Nocturnal Writer Active Member

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    Not only parents of the teenagers but there are other influencing factors. We know parents won't let their children to be disrespectful but It's their children who refuse to follow their parents. It's more aggravated by the influence of their peers. Also of the media they close encounter with and they do influence their way of behavior.
     
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  19. iamawriter

    iamawriter Active Member

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    Much water has flowed under the bridge since our days when respecting elders was a part of living. These days when children know more than their parents - thanks to the exposure - the tendency to behave differently has become a natural and accepted norm. This is no doubt a dangerous trend and needs curbing.
     
  20. amitkokiladitya

    amitkokiladitya Active Member

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    I'm really happy to read that now you have understood the diversity among children and the parents. I really hate when people comment and give free advices on raising kids. Each child is different and so is his parent.

    One thing is for sure that every parent tries his best to do the best for his kids. Some of the kids fail to understand their parents and this leads to all the mess.
     
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  21. Nocturnal Writer

    Nocturnal Writer Active Member

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    You're absolutely correct. To make things right, a constant communication should be conducted. In doing so, every Monday night, we hold the Family Home Evening. This is where parents and children have the opportunity to communicate, discuss the needs of the children.
     
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  22. amitkokiladitya

    amitkokiladitya Active Member

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    This is just so amazing. Every problem comes out with a solution when it is freely discussed. I love your idea of holding weekly talk sessions. This allows each one to express his views as well as understand the view point of the others.
     
  23. littlewitch66

    littlewitch66 Active Member

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    My son is 36 now and still a bit of a nightmare. He's getting better slowly and has even started to work for a living. I used to blame myself for the way he was and went over and over in my mind trying to think where I had gone wrong. My daughter is the complete opposite. She is honest, in a good job and has a happy relationship. I love them both but really cannot understand how two children brought up the same way could have turned out so differently.
     
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  24. amitkokiladitya

    amitkokiladitya Active Member

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    This is what I wanted to state in my previous post. The way the child will turn up and not directly proportional to the kind of upbringing. It is completely foolish to blame the parents each and every time. It is not hard to witness completely opposite siblings from the same parents. So what do the pointers have to say in this regard?
     
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