Single parents

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by Greengrl, Nov 22, 2016.

  1. Greengrl

    Greengrl New Member

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    I was married for 12 years. We had 5 amazing and beautiful children. I did enjoy parenting as a couple. It sure did make things a lot easier, and less stressful.
    I have been a single parent for almost 10 years now. And, honestly, I prefer it. He is still in their lives, but not as a "parent" really. When one of our children has a great accomplishment, I feel more pride because I honestly view it as my victory. I raised them, I have sacrificed for them, I guided them. His influence was always there, but mine has been stronger. And, I wouldn't change that for anything.
    What do you think? Are you a single parent? Do you think kids should be raised by both parents?
     
  2. James McAllister

    James McAllister Starlight Baby Employee Staff Member

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    I was going to write a big long post detailing all of my opinions but the other staff would probably get mad at me, so I won't.

    I will say this - I have talked with many people who were raised by single parents and I've found that so long as the one parent was able to provide the love and care that the child needed, the child did not suffer. I believe one great parent is better than two bad ones.

    That being said, I do believe both parents should be treated as equals in the eyes of the law and their involvement in their children's lives if they want to be. Sadly, this is of course not always the case.

    In any case, I do commend you for your fantastic work as a mother. Parenting 5 kids is never easy, and especially not as a single parent. Someday I may have to ask you how you did it. :emoji_wink:
     
  3. pwarbi

    pwarbi Active Member

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    I had both parents in my life up until I was 8 years old, and while my mother did do a fantastic job and gave me everything I could want taking on the role of both parents, I do think that in some ways I missed out. At the time I noticed it a lot more than what I do looking back now, and even just the little things of going to play football in the park with your father like other children did used to upset me because I wasn't able to do that.

    Looking back it isn't a huge thing, and I was always loved, cared for, fed and given everything other children had and that's what is most important, but at the time, 8 or 9 years old I took those things for granted and it was the less important things that I made MOST important as I'm sure young children often do.
     
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  4. James McAllister

    James McAllister Starlight Baby Employee Staff Member

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    @pwarbi You make a good point. I'd imagine it's completely different when you've grown up with both parents together and are used to that. Then something happens, and everything completely shifts, things you used to take for granted because you never expected them to end are gone.

    I can only imagine.
     
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  5. Alexandoy

    Alexandoy Active Member

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    I grew up in a conservative culture where a pregnant woman without the benefit of marriage is a big shame. But culture changes with the times and we now have a very permissive society. In fact, I have several nieces who have kids without being married. They want to be a single mother although they admit that they have separated from their lover. But anyway, it is pretty tough to raise a baby by your lonesome and it is good if you have the resources to hire a nanny or caretaker. And the attention you give to your baby should be more than enough since the baby will be looking up to the parents - a single parent has to work double time for that.
     
  6. Decentlady

    Decentlady Active Member

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    I have often wondered about single parenting. I find it not easy but then it is not impossible either. The children fill the emptiness in life amd it is tough when they are younger. As they grow older and learn what a single parent goes through I believe, the respect and love increase.

    As long as parent teaches them good morals, one or both parents doesn't matter much. It does of course in certain occasions but that is part of life.

    I salute all single parents out there!
     
  7. TheKnight

    TheKnight Active Member

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    I think it's always nicer to be cared for by both parents but a single parent can do just as well or better than with two. It's all about how the parents are. A child doesn't necessarily need two parents as long as that one parent gives them enough love and attention. Sometimes it is better if it's one single parent because it would be better to have one parent around mostly than two parents that can't get along.
     
  8. tony

    tony Active Member

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    For a balanced child upbringing kids should be raised by both parents, the mother and the father. Even in a situation where one of the partners' hand is down as in not been able to meet up financially or other areas regarding the child upbringing the presence alone is a psychological healing for the growing child. There are virtues that can best be inculcated in a child by the father (in this case) which a single mother cannot perfectly do.
     
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  9. Jasmin Cottontail

    Jasmin Cottontail Active Member

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    Being a single parent is perhaps one of the most difficult thing a person can undergo. Raising children on their own especially when you're alone seems to be an incredible tasks and I really salute responsible single parents.

    My cousin took care of her 2 children for years on her own. And I can tell that it's really difficult. Good thing her sister and mom is always there to support her, including us of course. However right now, she isn't a single parent anymore since she found the love of her life which is good for her because she now have a companion whom she can lean on.
     
  10. Holmes22

    Holmes22 Member

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    I have a lot of friends who find themselves in this position, and I really feel for them because it does not seem easy by any stretch of the imagination. Add on top of that the already strained relationship that most of them already have with the ex partner, and it just makes for an unappealing situation.
     
  11. Miches

    Miches Member

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    I'm a single parent and I'm happy with it. My son also prefers it this way. Now I can focus on taking care of him and he never had to live in fear nor hear abusive words again. Yes, being a single parent is a tough job, but a fulfilling one as well. Financially, I have to work doubly hard to provide for all of his needs and to prepare for his future. If he's looking for a father figure, he has my brother, a gentle person and a responsible father. My mom died when I was in my teens and my father raised us alone. I didn't have a mother figure but I looked up to my dad and he was my role model. This is probably why, in the beginning, I didn't mind so much that I was my own family's breadwinner.
     
  12. Vinaya

    Vinaya Member

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    My mother and father were raised by single parents. They lost their father early in their life and was raised by single mother (they never married again). If one of your parents is missing, you will grow as a troubled child, I can see some emotional complications in my dad and mom despite the fact that they are old now and their four kids have married. A child need love from father as well as mother.
     
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  13. James McAllister

    James McAllister Starlight Baby Employee Staff Member

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    Let's be reasonable, no two situations are the same. There are a million and one factors that go into how children grow up and the type of people they turn out to be.

    I know plenty of people raised by single parents who turned out exceptionally well.

    Blanketing all children who were raised by single parents into one statement doesn't work. Are there patterns and correlations? Absolutely. But just because a person is raised by a single parent doesn't mean they're destined to have problems. That's silly.
     
  14. kamai

    kamai Active Member

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    I have always viewed single parents as the strongest kind of people I know. Raising children is tough especially when one has to do it alone but if you are better off this way then you will treat the children better. I do consider having both of the parents love and care is important but if one of the parents doesn't contribute then the other must provide for the children and even do a better job.
     
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  15. AngelaMc

    AngelaMc Member

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    I to have been a single parent since my son was 12yrs. old. He is 31 now. Throughout the years I have been Mother and Father, not by my choice of course. I have never eliminated his father out of anything, or even talked horribly about him. I always encouraged him to be close to his Dad, because he needed a male role model in his life.:)

    By his Fathers choice, it was not this way. Considering all that has happened I guess I did a great job all by myself. Single parents are strong even when they feel they are not, and it shows through your children if you did a good job or not.:)
     
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  16. Jester85

    Jester85 Member

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    This doesn't have a "one size fits all" answer, as no two situations and circumstances are the same. I think in general the kid should have a relationship with both parents even if they're not together, unless one of them was abusive or something where they pose a danger to the child or other parent's welfare.

    Being a single parent is definitely no cakewalk though, and you definitely have the right to be proud of your accomplishments. They often essentially have to be two parents in one.
     
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  17. blugoddess

    blugoddess New Member

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    This is an excellent topic. I do think ideally two parents are better for children, but when you have one parent of questionable morals and habits, kids are better off being influenced by the one with the better morals and ethics. It's much harder to undo poor teaching than to prevent a child from being influenced by a parent with questionable morals. If you don't stand up for what's right and let the kids be influenced by the parent with questionable character, you still end up responsible because parents with poor morals rarely want to raise the kid in a primary way.
     
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  18. blugoddess

    blugoddess New Member

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    This is absolutely true, however, sometimes one or both of the parents is incapable of love or chooses not too. There has to be a way to make it and be alright in the world despite all this.
     
  19. blugoddess

    blugoddess New Member

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    I used to believe this but unfortunately, there are situations where a separation is healthier than staying with a spouse just to be together. In abusive or unhealthy situations, common sense dictates that children should always be safe first. There are even occasions where a parent or parents failure to create a safe and healthy environment for their children has resulted in the child being taken away. I hate to say it, but sometimes just having a male and female parental presence in the household is not only unhealthy but dangerous and definitely not enough.
     
  20. Jester85

    Jester85 Member

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    In a perfect world, children would have two parents. But the children's well-being has to be paramount, and sometimes unfortunately they're better off with one parent out of the picture. What's best for the child should be every parent's top priority.
     
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