during the old days when we were growing up my mom used to spank us so hard whenever we did something wrong. But nowadays, that form of discipline is no longer preferred. often I have found myself spanking my boy when he strays. am I doing the right thing? which other method can I employ? I love my son and would like him to be responsible.
Nowadays the preferred method of discipline is the naughty step or a time out. I've found with mine that removing toys if he misuses them and giving time out in his playpen works quite well. e.g. hit someone or throw a toy and he knows the toy will be taken away and he will get time out with nothing to play with. I think what works depends on the child though. The only time spanking is really justified for me is if he has done something that endangers himself or others, when one sharp tap can shock him enough to stop and listen. If you use two fingers instead of a flat palm, it limits the force to enough to shock but not hurt.
I have to admit that my wife and I are guilty of such form of disciplining our 6 children when they were yet kids. That's the kind of discipline we gave them when they erred or failed to obey us. We had been keeping that kind or mode of discipline. Later when they grew up and we had enough words coming from the scriptures. That discipline shouldn't be keep away from the erring children. The scripture is saying it clearly, "spare the rod and you spoil the child". We misinterpreted it to inflict physical harm to our disobedient children. We were grossly wrong. Now to our 7 grandchildren, we stop spanking them or physically harm them as what we are also telling their parents. Instead, we discipline them by telling what they have done is wrong and telling them the right way. The moral lesson is what you have done to the kids, they will also do them to their children later on. Thus love begets love.
There are many ways to discipline a child without spanking. I believe in timeouts, and being kind but very firm, just by getting on the child's eye level, looking them in the eyes, and gently touching their arm and using your voice to let them know what they did wrong is pretty effective.
Not spanking children at all every time they do wrong may not be the best way to instill discipline especially when the child is becoming stubborn and wouldn't take to advice. Little spanking could just do the magic of instilling the needed fear and make the child seat up and up doing in the future. Spanking should be mild and come as the last option when disciplining a child in my view.
Of course not. There are the right ways to discipline a child and spanking them is definitely not one of them (actually... it never was, despite past decades). This "discipline model" is something totally beyond the acceptable standards of our society and anyone who still chooses to educate some child in this way is doing her/his a great harm. Something that may not be noticed now, but that will surely surface in the future (in the character of the child when it becomes adult). Talking, pointing out mistakes and advising will always be the best solution.
My take on spanking children is a yes ang a no. it depends on so many factors to spank your child. But my standard rule is to spank in order to arrest abuse. When the child commits a sin or makes a mistake, it is nit reason enough to spank since we all make mistakes. But if the committing looks intentional then that's another story.
I get you @shine, but my culture and religion have taught me that reasoning with children alone can't get them to change behaviour. sure, on some small mistakes it might work, but sometimes you have crack the whip.
I don't like spanking a child but instead of the situation to go way out of control if spanking can help bring the child to order I certainly won't have any choice. Again close parenting as in always particular about our children could help sense any element of stubbornness and treated immediately. This way conditions may not degenerate to spanking I guess.
I respect all views (whether cultural or religious) and with you definitely it won't be different, but I really think it's a very wrong way. I think spanking is very wrong. Have you tried to act against this "system"? I mean, you don't have to do everything that your culture or your religion tells you to do. Think about it (don't get me wrong... it's just a tip ).
Unfortunately I have to second @josephen on this matter. It is nothing to be proud of and no parents love spanking their kids but these days kids just won't listen and actually laugh off any sort of less harmful or harmless punishments. In such a scenario you are left with limited options. I do agree that spanking for everything doesn't work at the end but some stern action may be needed once in a while.
This is a touchy subject because so many people are Christians and that religion says that - to spare the rod is to spoil the child. Anyhow, my view on the matter is someone in the middle. I don't think spanking a bad thing, but it can be - if done in the hands of idiots. Note, when anti-spanking people need examples of why they think it is bad, then I'm sure they point out the abusive parents. Oh, by the way, violence is the only thing that some adults or young people might understand. Their minds have become unreasonable. In that case, unfortunately, I don't think the soft approach works.
I've got to be honest I was smacked as a child and it hasn't turned me into an aggressive person and I probably deserved it. I did slap my son's legs on occasions when he was small but I only had to raise my voice to my daughter and she would obey me. I don't smack my granddaughter because my thinking has changed over the years and I believe it is only relieving my pent up anger and not doing anything positive for her. I would rather send her to her room as a punishment as this always works and she will come out and say sorry when she calms down.
The best method in my opinion is a stick and carrot policy. Refraining from spanking altogether is naive since it acts as a deterrent just in the same sense that a reward acts as an incentive. Caution should be taken as over application me spanking might create hardened characters. A compromise should be arrived by giving the offenders manual chores followed by a counselling session.
We are currently taking care of my wife's little brother. There are some times that he gets a bit of a hard tap on his hand if he did something wrong like hurting himself whenever he is confused or he hits someone with a toy. But most of the time, we would just make him face the wall for quite some time so he knows that whenever he would do something bad, he would be friends with the wall for a while. Then we started to change things, if he does something bad, we would make him raise his hands for quite a long time.
Well there are better ways, and I am pretty sure that we can mostly all agree on that. At the same time though, I am quick to point to people being too soft with their kids and a little pain is not the worst thing in the world.
I was raised in that manner too, where we get spanked or hit whenever we did something wrong, even if it's not justified. It can work to a certain extent during a kid's younger years or if they are the timid type, but if they're outspoken and will not want anyone to tell them what to do, then no matter how much the violence escalates then it will be useless. They will just rebel, even more so when they get older. I think you can only guide him and talk to him when he does something bad and deprive him of what he likes to let him know that what he did was wrong.
I certainly agree that there are plenty of ways to discipline a child without spanking. However, I believe it would also depend on the child if time outs and talking ain't working, then spanking can be done but not too hard and it should depend on what they've done. If it's a light mistake, I guess talking to them or time outs should work
Discipline is essential for all children. We live in a society that has rules, which when broken, can have very serious consequences and talking about consequences is a long way away from actually experiencing them on a smaller scale. Unfortunately the smack on the bottom to reprimand in a loving way is a little like the gun owners problem. It's the few that abuse the discipline that leads to the usual politically incorrect whiplash reaction. I disciplined my sons with a very very occasional hiding when the were growing up. At a young age they understood that their actions had consequences. They are now very very loving caring adults. Its not just about the discipline thougjh. That comprises a very small part of equipping your children for life. If you befriend your children, be worthy of their trust and love them unconditionally, they will not want to dissapoint you and that is probably one of the best behavioural tools a parent can have.
I think spanking can instill discipline in children, however, you should never over use this technique. If a strong voice can make the children do what you intend to do, then there is no need for spanking. If you can teach manners to children politely, then there is no need to become harsh. However, sometimes children misunderstand your politeness, in that case you can raise your voice or even spank. You should spank in a way that it does not hurt them.
I might be wrong but for me it's the right thing to think that I will never spank my child as I was spanked and hard and I wouldn't want my child to feel the pain I did. If I hated it why would I want my child to feel it. I experienced both a parent who spanked and parent who was totally againts it. Now that I'm older I kind of feel like I am staying away more from the parent that used to hit as for the anti spanking parent I wish I could spend more time with.
I find spanking too violent and I wouldn't do it to my son. I'd rather withhold some privileges like tablet, smartphones, or TV if he tries to overstep his bounds. I've been spanked by my mother, too, and it was a shocking experience for me. I was never a bad child and it just so happened that I was a kid and my brother and I were laughing silly at some stupid words. I didn't think we deserved it. My self-confidence was somehow shaken. I don't want my child to experience the same pain.
I don't that spanking, when done by mentally healthy adults, causes problems, but rather creates kids who are less likely to bully others and/or become psychopaths. I mean, a big problem with so-called "bad kids" is the fact that they lack a humble mind. Note, nobody will stand up to these kids and a spanking, as I noted before, is the only thing they might understand.
I have never seen any child behaving well after they got a spanking. Instead they get more stubborn. There are other ways for a child to behave such as praising the child whenever they do something worthy of praise.
I don't think I am a big -"spare the rod and spoil the child" believer but I do think you should keep your kids busy and make them get a job outside the home- also you could give them some household chores to do as well. You should not just focus on their education though because you really do not want a kid to graduate college that never really had a job of some kind. Also after having a discussion with your child -you could ground them for a short time,which seems to work.
I personally disagree with spanking, and don't think it helps to make a child become better. I believe in connecting and having good relationship with them help, though it might not be easy and there are always challenging moments, and I think this is what parents should learn. I think kids will listen to us better when we respect them and listen to them, and spanking them might make them become more rebellious. I think spanking is a violent act, and it encourages our kids to be violent if we do that too.
For me, spanking is one of the many ways we can discipline our children. But it should not be the only way and make sure to let the children know why they get the spanking. Explain later the reasons for such action of yours and that it will happen again if they still do the same. Be sure though, that you are not very furious so as not to harm them much that it will leave a scar on their body and of course in their hearts. As much as possible, though it seems so hard, be calm in doing it and control your anger. I personally tried this and it was not bad.