Does anyone think most kids are naturally mean?

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by Jason76, Jan 12, 2017.

  1. Jason76

    Jason76 Active Member

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    In a comment about social media and children, I noted that a lot of kids should not be praised on Facebook because many of them are cruel, mocking the disabled, people of other races etc. However, for the most part, I stand by my statement. Note, I remember when I was a kid some kids even put gasoline in kitten's milk.

    Anyhow, this behavior isn't limited to certain boys but a lot of girls are also mean and this meanness of both genders continues all the way into middle school and some haven't even stopped in college.

    Finally, how should we deal with this problem? Does anyone believe traditional punishments are the best and that society in its child worship is ignoring basic human nature? Does anyone think that people should toughen up and totally accept certain kids in their mean state as something normal and healthy? Does anyone think the parents might be as mean as the kids?
     
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  2. James McAllister

    James McAllister Kinacle Employee Staff Member

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    I don't think people are born inherently bad - even some of the worst people in human history were once innocent little babies.

    Studies have shown that the opposite is actually true - babies have an internal moral compass from a fairly early age. Of course, there are so many reasons kids turn to these sort of actions - and it can be anything from neglect from parents, to mental illness. The biggest thing though is probably never being taught what's right vs. wrong. Kids aren't always aware of their actions and even realizing what they're doing can hurt other people.

    Fortunately the majority of people are kind, empathetic, and generally good-hearted, but they don't make the news. Bad behavior should be punished accordingly.
     
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  3. Jason76

    Jason76 Active Member

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    I think up to a point kids will be kids. However, extremely rotten behavior shouldn't be honored. Social media might contribute to the narcissism of kids who need to understand humility. Anyhow, some joking around and stuff like snowball fights are normal, but past a certain point it becomes evil. Note, of course, a world where kids are too nice is bizarre and abnormal.
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2017
  4. Alexandoy

    Alexandoy Well-Known Member

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    Aside from my daughter, almost all my nieces and nephews were living with me in our ancestral home when they were young. It is sad to say that my eldest nephew has a criminal instinct even when he was still a toddler. He was fond of breaking the rules and has a penchant of teasing his brother and cousins until they cry. It is ironic that all his cousins were meek and mild when they were in pre-school age and even when they grew up. That eldest nephew had committed many crimes and now is estranged from me. I’d say that there really is a black sheep and there are good sheep.
     
  5. Decentlady

    Decentlady Active Member

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    I so agree with this post. I don't think there would be any reaction if there were no action in the first place. Hence, kids get moulded the way their environment and people around them moulds them.

    We just need to be careful on what cues we give out to kids.
     
  6. firstcry

    firstcry Active Member

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    I think no kid is born with a cruel mind and as said above neglect and cruel punishments from their parents can make them do insane things. As you can see in most of the serial killers case there will be a bad and horrible history which turn them to be a sadist.

    I think if a kid shows this kind of cruel mentality it is easy to change his mind as he is only in his nascent stage. But in most of the cases this would not happen as parents themselves would be responsible for this. So if we take quality time to counsel them and tell them the importance of life I am sure we can see visible changes. The best way to send the message home is through moral stories.
     
  7. kamai

    kamai Active Member

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    I don't think anyone is born mean they are made mean through out life experiences or things they see. I know not everyone deals or does the same things but some prefer taking the mean path. Some kids become mean to fit in a crowd while others are suffering some sort of psycological issue. Some deal with inner pain by being mean, I guess most rather me angry about problems than sad that's why we see more evil happening in this world. Some just like things done their way and being evil is the only solution they find.
     
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  8. tyche

    tyche Active Member

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    In my country, most kids who bully other kids are quite ugly. They even have the gall to bully people that look better than them, so I think that they're just bullying other kids to mask their insecurity. Bullying here is usually just limited to name calling, and it's not as worse as what I see being done in western countries. In the US though, kids are a lot more mean because the parents are not allowed to hit their children. So they grow up thinking that certain behaviors are just "fine" since they can get away with it unpunished by their parents. Also, in the US, people also seem to think that being mean is cool. So they bully other kids.
     
  9. tony

    tony Active Member

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    I don't think kids are naturally mean I would say environmental factors are the main determining factors to character building in kids. I strongly think the kind of exposures our kids pass through is what is reflected in their behavior.
     
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  10. to7update

    to7update Active Member

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    Kids are cruel, there is no way around that. People are mean, there is no way around that either, all we need to realize this is to look at the world around us. At the same time, both kids and adults have love in them as well. At each moment we have a choice to be good or bad, act with love or cruelty, it's in our hands. Kids are more impulsive and open, so sometimes they are plain mean...
     
  11. Jester85

    Jester85 Member

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    A lot of it is peer pressure. Kids----and people in general----have a herd mentality where if they see one person doing something, they want to join in to "fit in", "be cool", etc.

    It's important to drive positive moral messages home early before they're influenced by peer pressure into becoming a bully who thinks this kind of behavior is acceptable or something to emulate.
     
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  12. Holmes22

    Holmes22 Active Member

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    I have worked with kids for some time now and I really have no reason to believe this, and I have worked with kids who are deemed "troubled" and have their own issues going on. If you really look at it, there is a place where that violence and anger is coming from.
     
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  13. tony

    tony Active Member

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    I am surprised that some people believe kids are naturally mean, that's hard for me to believe anyway. Kids especially babies are innocent in my view and any character they exhibit may just be one they have copied from others. They can't be said to have a good knowledge of judgement when it comes what they do.
     
  14. AngelaMc

    AngelaMc Active Member

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    I believe children are born innocent and pure. I don't think they are born with these mean qualities. I think as they grow other factors take place, such as their family life, who they hang around with etc. Some say children learn what they live, and this may be the case sometimes.:(

    Hereditary mental illness, runs in families also and children could show early symptoms and signs, if that's the case, treatment is available for them to seek.:)
     
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  15. Jason76

    Jason76 Active Member

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    That's true. Note everywhere has a few jerks who make it seem like a certain place is full of bullies. However, it only seems that way cause average people are generally quiet. Actually, most people are too concerned with day to day life to give much thought to picking on others.

    Anyhow, regarding kids, I was reading on this blog that boys were naturally evil, but I had my doubts. I know when I was a kid, as we've noted, only a couple of loudmouths were hassling other kids, the same situation that we see among adults.
     
  16. Nocturnal Writer

    Nocturnal Writer Active Member

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    I would limit my reply on this two things: traditional punishment and acceptance of kids' mean attitude. Punishment is good even the Bible is recommending it. It says "spare the rod and you spoil the child". But the kind of punishment is not a corporal one which the errant child is inflicted with physical punishment like beating. The child should be told on what his mistake and be told kindly on what to do. Next is taking into consideration the very nature of a child. He becomes mean because of what he sees, experiences. And if possible it should be treated or dealt accordingly before it is too late. As what the proverbs says "train up the child on the way he should go and when he is old he won't depart from it."
     
  17. Taliska

    Taliska Active Member

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    I think that is the problem. Children are something of a blank slate, and it is up to us to teach them right and wrong. If a parent doesn't teach that well then the child can be awful because either they don't know they are doing anything wrong or they haven't been taught to care. An angry parent who slaps their kids because they feel like it will result in children acting up at school without knowing it is wrong because it is what they have seen at home. A child who can break rules without consequences that mean something to that child will not learn to values those rules, or the more important rules and laws when they grow up.

    You might say that by an adult's standards children are mean because they have to be taught to share (and adults who don't share are bad), but the fact they can be taught shows they aren't bad, they simply don't know yet. Adults who do the same thing already know better and have ignored what they were taught.
     
  18. to7update

    to7update Active Member

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    You are very right about peer pressure, but it's more than that. I notice basic feelings like envy, being jealous, being competitive, and this is just too much for a 5, 6, 7 or 8 year old to have. I think the whole society and us parents are sending out the wrong signals to our kids and we are the ones causing this.
     
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  19. tony

    tony Active Member

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    I like to ask do you think kids do premeditate just like adults would do before acting cruelly. Let's get clear kids are still at the stages in their lives where they don't exactly know what they are doing yet. I think we adults should understand that kids especially babies could just behave on impulse or involuntarily without knowledge of gravity of the actions.
     
  20. Jester85

    Jester85 Member

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    Well various influences in society at present don't exactly send positive reinforcement messages to our children. Which is why it's important for parents to step up to the plate and not let society raise their children for them.

    Also as Tony says, kids don't know who they are or what they're doing yet, and don't understand the consequences or impact of their actions.
     
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  21. Jason76

    Jason76 Active Member

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    Competition is a massive factor as a commentator noted. If the parents teach competition, then perhaps they often fail to emphasize the role of good sportsmanship or perhaps the parents don't even believe in the concept. In other words, kids are getting the idea that if they are better at something, it's because other kids are stupid and worthy of mockery.
     
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  22. faith

    faith Member

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    Some kids are naturally meaner, and other kids are naturally sweeter than cherry pie on a Sunday morning. It all has to do with their own unique set of God-given genetics or genes. Many babies and toddlers tend to lean in one direction or the other as well. In fact, it depends upon so many other unique factors, such as the amount of alcohol, smoking or drug intake which the mother and father partake in before giving birth, the health traits and conditions throughout the family history, the condition of birth and so much more. Personality types and personas are hereditary as well....
     
  23. blugoddess

    blugoddess New Member

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    No. Children aren't naturally mean. They are often just a product of their environment and also reflect the parts of their parents that aren't necessarily the most admirable. This may sound controversial but I've found this to be true more often than not. Kids reflect what parents push both verbally and nonverbally, however, the unrehearsed child doesn't know to hide these things and acts them out.:(
     
  24. Jester85

    Jester85 Member

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    Kids are often parroting their parents, like you see when kids hurl racial slurs that they're too young to understand and got from talk at home. Kids aren't born hating, they're taught to hate. And thus they can also be taught not to. Same with bullying or not bullying. But peer pressure is a powerful influence. Parents need to step up to the plate and be present and involved in making sure their kids understand what's right and wrong, and why it's wrong.
     
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  25. blugoddess

    blugoddess New Member

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    Loving this response because it's dead on 40 proof truth.
     
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  26. littlewitch66

    littlewitch66 Active Member

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    I think everyone has it in them to be mean at some point, even adults, but a child hasn't yet learned to control it. We all have days when we feel irritable and less charitable especially if day to day life is not going well.

    I think when a child is very small he has yet to learn how to share. Most of the squabbles between my children when they were young were over a toy they both wanted and one would almost certainly hit the other when it got to a point where neither of them would give in. It's up to us as adults to teach them that it's mean to behave that way. I think socialising with other children helps in this respect, they learn to share and to say sorry if they have done something unkind. It's all part of the learning process when growing up.
     
  27. KloeRinz

    KloeRinz Member

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    It depends, to be honest. Some kids just follow trends and one can be unfortunate if your child has to be a victim.There are also others who just end up being mean due to their circumstances. And some are like that by default. You can't really generalize them all.
     
  28. Holmes22

    Holmes22 Active Member

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    I would have a hard time believing that, and if they are it is probably justified by something like being defensive or not knowing the situation. That said, though, I have worked with kids and there are some that are indeed just mean.
     
  29. Folk Artist

    Folk Artist Active Member

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    Yes, kids can be mean when they play with other kids at a playground for instance -but watch out for that little bulley that comes along and knocks another kid in the head, or shouts a obnoxious threat to another kid. These kids could leave another child out of the game, or these other kids can get bossed around quite a bit also-they kind of test each other out as they all play together. I think some kids may grow up in kind of a mean environment as well, and they can pick these nasty habits up at home, or they could just be mean as far as their DNA goes. I think this behavoir is a way of having power as far as these little tyrants go sometimes though !
     
  30. kaka135

    kaka135 Active Member

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    I don't think kids are naturally mean. I agree with @AngelaMc, and I think kids are born innocent and pure too. I always think it's the environment that shape them into whom they turn into.
     

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