Did you ever get confused by all the parenting advice?

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by thisnthat, Feb 10, 2017.

  1. thisnthat

    thisnthat Active Member

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    There are books, there are classes, there are websites, and there are lots of people with good intentions, all of which are filled with parenting advice. Have you ever suffered from information overload because of it?

    It seems like every expert has something different to say as well, so how do you know who is right?

    I like to make sure an 'expert' at least has children of their own before I consider what they have to say. They can learn all they want from other sources, but having kids of your own is completely different (and each child is different). They might have some good advice, but I wouldn't go on their word alone, if they don't have kids.

    What do you think?
     
  2. kamai

    kamai Active Member

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    As I had my first child I was afraid to be a bad mom and looked for advise every where and noticed that opinions and tips vary from person to person. I was a bit confused on what advice to follow but as I took my baby home from the hospital I realized I could take advices and make my own rules and do what i think is right for my baby. Besides I have noticed all babies are different and require different attentions and caring compared to others. A few months after I went with the flow and did what I thought was best for my baby girl and learned from other parents mistakes.
     
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  3. James McAllister

    James McAllister Kinacle Employee Staff Member

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    All kids are different, yet every expert seems to think that their way is the only way that's ever right. I think that's kind of silly. Although I do think it's important to consider all viewpoints, parents will always know their kids the best.

    I'm ok with accepting advice from people who haven't had kids, even if that means it has to be examined further. My own personal situation is a bit confusing as I have lost and do not have a baby. That being said, I've read through a stack of books taller than I am on just about every parenting topic I can think of (including ones based around ideas I do not agree with.) I don't write our blog articles but we try to focus on fact-based, unbiased proven information and leave opinionated ideas and things that are open to debate up to others to decide on for themselves.

    In the end if you consider everything, do what you feel is right, and correct problems if and when they arise, you won't really have anything to worry about.
     
  4. Nocturnal Writer

    Nocturnal Writer Active Member

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    Let's not be confused with those persons who give parental pieces of advice but they don't have a child or children of their own. It is for us to evaluate their bit of advice. If it doesn't applicable or workable on us, why follow it. In fairness with them, what they are sharing is what they have experienced from other parents who come to them for advice and also they get their advice or counsel from what they have studied or researched.
     
  5. firstcry

    firstcry Active Member

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    I think it is quite common to get confused over all parenting advises from different sources. This is mainly because of the fact that each child is unique and no expert can every find a perfect solution/guideline as kids are different. They are quite unpredictable too and we need to use our common sense at times. But an informed parenting has a lot of advantages and it definitely gives an edge at certain situations.

    A solution provided by a child expert may be suitable for a kid but not for all. So I prefer personal counselling if it is required like in extreme conditions. In that case the expert get a chance to communicate with the child and understand him better. But in most of the times counselling is not required as it is a part of their growing process and nobody knows a kid better than parent.
     
  6. thisnthat

    thisnthat Active Member

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    I am so sorry for your loss. I hope my post didn't come across as unkind.

    I guess I should have differentiated between friendly advice and suggestions, as compared to those (like you said) who think their way is the only way. One way just won't work with every child. I have four kids. Every one of them is so very different.

    Weighing all the advice is good. Comparing notes with other parents is also good.

    I tried to get all the information I could before having my first child. I just got overwhelmed by all the "musts" and do's and don'ts. Lots of things sound good on paper that don't work as well when put into practice. I wanted to be the perfect mom, but yeah, that didn't happen. Not for lack of trying, and certainly not for lack of advice. No parent is ever perfect, even if you follow all the books to a T..
     
  7. Holmes22

    Holmes22 Active Member

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    Oh I certainly did. There is really information coming at you from all angles and you have to be good at deciding which is good and which is nonsense. It takes time, but eventually you find your good sources and stick to those.
     
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  8. to7update

    to7update Active Member

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    I never got confused with parenting advice, because I never took any, I learned by experience and I think that's how we should go. Each child behaves differently, and today I wish I knew some things I didn't at the time, but all the general advice people were giving didn't seem to suit my particular case.

    Overwhelmed by the situation sure, but not by too much advice.
     
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  9. thisnthat

    thisnthat Active Member

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    That's great. It's good that you were able to stand back and take stock. Instead of getting overwhelmed by what others deemed best, you used your own instincts. I wish I would have had that kind of confidence, to just follow my own instincts.

    We really do know our children better than anyone else does. Better than they ever could.
     
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  10. to7update

    to7update Active Member

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    We did felt a lot of pressure when we are about to name the baby, as family from both side wanted us to give it a big name, and didn't. Also, when our first kid was born we did spend one week at my in-laws, so we did receive a lot of help, but on the 2nd one we were more experienced and we had no need for that.
     
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  11. James McAllister

    James McAllister Kinacle Employee Staff Member

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    It didn't, don't worry. :emoji_slight_smile:

    It's so true, no parent is perfect. And even if we all knew how to be the perfect parent (we don't, no matter how many books we read or advice we're given) we would drive ourselves absolutely crazy trying.

    Anybody who's doing the best that they can is a great parent in my eyes. There are so many out there that just don't care.
     
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  12. Taliska

    Taliska Active Member

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    Oh yes, if I listened to all the advice I got I'd be drowning in it! Everyone thinks they know how to raise a child, and so many of them think they know how to raise my child. Even when they've never met him...

    In the era of the internet it seems that every piece of advice on raising children is available somewhere, whether it is now known to be harmful, not helpful or just supplanted by newer information. Checking the dates and references on all the pages sent to me would have taken ages, so I just nodded politely and figured out what worked for my kid from experience, trial and error.
     
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  13. pwarbi

    pwarbi Active Member

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    I do think that sometimes we can get bogged down with all the advice and information that's available, and especially when some of it contradicts each other. This is the best way, no, that's the best way...we must do this, no, we must do that...sometimes it can all get too much and we have to stop and just think about it for ourselves. At the end of the day it's US who are the parents so we will know what's best for us and our children so maybe we should just go with gut instinct sometimes.

    As with anything in life there is good and bad information out there about everything, and instead of believing everything we see, it's up to us to try and decipher what is real and what isn't. Also maybe more importantly, what is right for out circumstances and our children and what isn't.
     
  14. thisnthat

    thisnthat Active Member

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    @pwarbi, and it will likely be different for each of our children. No two children, even those raised in the same environment, are exactly alike. What works with one, might not work with another. Each child is a separate person, an individual. Each one has his or her own personality and personal needs (and sometimes issues).

    As parents, we know each of our children better than anyone else does. We can use all this well-meaning advice to help us make informed decisions, but ultimately, we should make the final decision of what is best. That's why it bugs me when teachers, doctors, etc. all want to use these "one size fits all" ideas for kids.
     
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  15. pwarbi

    pwarbi Active Member

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    Exactly, and that's what I was saying. While there's nothing wrong with taking on board the advice that's out there, we need to pick and choose just exactly what is going to work for us depending on our children. As you say, the one size fits all type of parenting is never going to work as every child will have their on unique characteristics meaning that what works for one, won't work for another.

    There are a lot of so called experts around, and I'm sure that they are genuinely trying to help, but sometimes I do wonder if they actually believe themselves what they are saying, or if they are just saying things to get a reaction and their name in the spotlight for their 15 minutes of fame.
     
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