Learning to say sorry

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by littlewitch66, Jan 23, 2018.

  1. littlewitch66

    littlewitch66 Active Member

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    Sometimes it's hard to say sorry even when we know we are in the wrong but apologising is a good thing and it's necessary for a child to know that when he/she has been unreasonable they need to fix things and say they are sorry. By the same token I always say sorry to her if I am in the wrong, if I have maybe been grouchy with her for no real reason.

    My granddaughter is learning this and has started to stick little notes under my bedroom door when she knows she has upset me. They usually have a picture of her with a speech bubble saying sorry which always makes me smile. Even though we argue a little I always make sure we have made up by bedtime because tomorrow is a new day and I think we should start it on good terms.

    Have your children learned to say sorry when they are in the wrong and do you say sorry to them if you need to?
     
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  2. kaka135

    kaka135 Active Member

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    Your granddaughter is so cute of putting the little notes with picture. That's a good idea of saying sorry.

    I think it really depends on the situation, whether the child really feels sorry about it. There were some times I asked my children to say sorry when I think they should, though they didn't really want to, and I explained to them.... At first, I thought they didn't really know they were wrong, and they refused to say sorry. I also found out some kids merely say sorry because they were asked to but they didn't say it sincerely. Hence I told my children I didn't want that, "saying sorry" isn't really that important, but they have to know they have done something wrong and they should apologize... After some time, I found out there are many times they just say sorry instantly and they really mean it, then I realized those are the times they really feel sorry of what they have done, but some other times it's just us (the adults) think so, and they didn't think they have done anything wrongly or should feel sorry about.

    I started to learn to always stand on the children's point of view and think what they think, though we have different perspective and we should guide them, we have to understand them too, as they are still growing. I believe by us showing the good example, they will learn.

    As for myself, I always apologize whenever I need to or I have done something not right, even to my kids.
     
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  3. tyche

    tyche Active Member

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    We were taught how to say sorry at a young age, but I don't think I have ever done that to my parents. And my parents also never said sorry to us when they got mad at us, it seems like our family is full of pride, lol.
     
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  4. Alexandoy

    Alexandoy Well-Known Member

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    In our home, we were taught how to admit our mistakes. I remember an incident when my brother did me wrong which caused a quarrel. After the reprimand, my mother made sure that my brother admitted his fault and then she waited until my brother apologized to me. For my part, I had to issue an apology for the harsh words that I said against my brother.
     
  5. Heatman

    Heatman Active Member

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    Teaching your kids to say say sorry when they are in the wrong is very good to start at a young age. As they grow, if it's a kid that is well nurtured, he or she wouldn't abandon that habit. I would use myself as a perfect example. I have a good relationship with my mother, in fact we behave exactly alike and I can easily read her. She taught me to always apologize whenever I do something wrong, telling me that saying I'm sorry won't kill me.

    I grew up with that mentality and till today, I don't find saying I'm sorry to be any big deal, although I know some people who would rather go into heated quarrel instead of saying sorry for the whole issue to end. My mother do apologize to me as well whenever she treated me wrong and such made me love her so much.
     
  6. tallulah

    tallulah Active Member

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    This is really lacking in our society today. The ability to say sorry and recognise that you are wrong. It is probably one of the biggest reasons why so many marriages end up in divorce. We can change this by instilling in our children from a very early age that saying sorry when you are wrong makes you a better person. And it solves a lot of problems quickly before it escalates. Parents should also learn to say sorry to their kids when they are wrong.
     
  7. littlewitch66

    littlewitch66 Active Member

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    I know exactly what you mean about saying sorry when not sincere. Sometimes children say it because they think it will get them back in your good books again.

    At one school my granddaughter went to there was a child who kept hitting other children. The school always made her say sorry but she always said it grudgingly and it was obvious she did not mean it. I think this is probably childlike and we as adults should teach them the importance of saying sorry and meaning it.
     
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  8. Nocturnal Writer

    Nocturnal Writer Active Member

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    Yes we did. My wife and I has set a good example to our children and also to our grandchildren.

    I remember when one time I hurt the feeling of my wife for unwanted comment. She went inside our bedroom and cried. Our 5-year old granddaughter noticed it why her grandma was crying. She approaches her grandma and asked her whar happened and she was told what had transpired. She went from the bedroom and went straight me and told me to ask sorry for her grandma in which I did.

    Our granddaughter knows the importance of being sorry as we taught her by example.
     
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  9. Heatman

    Heatman Active Member

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    Some people are just made that way, saying sorry is a very big problem for them. I don't know why it's this way with some but hey individual differences plays a huge role in the live of people in their various society. In truth, I see nothing serious with having to learn how to say sorry, it grows like a habit and once you get used to it, you won't feel a thing in saying the word sorry.
     
  10. tyche

    tyche Active Member

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    @Heatman, I agree. Actually I think that it's quite easy to say sorry anyway, you don't even have to be sincere when you do it, but when it comes to family feuds it's not even considered.
     
  11. Holmes22

    Holmes22 Active Member

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    I never really thought much about that but now that you mention it it is certainly one of the more important skills that they learn. I am sure at the time I was pushing for it but it is just something that slipped my mind. I am glad they did eventually learn it though, and now they are just so nice.
     
  12. nangk08

    nangk08 Active Member

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    This is something that has become quite an issue with many kids. Some of the kids I know find it so hard to say sorry, no matter what. Once there was this kid who hit my son for no reason, later on when his mom found out, she brought him over to our house and told her kid to say sorry to my son. The boy simply kept on a straight face, showed no expression and refused to utter a word while she kept threatening him with all sorts of things if he didn't say sorry. After some time, I just asked her to not make it a big issue and take him home. I was really concerned that the boy felt increased hostility towards my son for having had to say sorry. :rolleyes:
    I think it is the parents who can teach them in the right manner. I say sorry to my husband, other people, my son etc. readily if I am in the wrong and he has probably learned to say sorry by observing my behavior. I doubt if all parents do that.
     
  13. amitkokiladitya

    amitkokiladitya Active Member

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    One thing which I have experienced tat kids learn everything from their parents only. It is first we have to start saying sorry for the little parenting mistakes we do everyday. Seeing us apologizing for our acts will make them feel that there is nothing bad associated with saying sorry. No one gets degraded by doing this. I'm saying this from my personal experience.
     
  14. to7update

    to7update Active Member

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    Saying sorry has two sides really. My older kid is always saying sorry, so I believe most of the times he doesn't even mean it. On the other hand, my younger kid has a really hard time saying sorry, so can we explain this really? :)
     

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