Single Child

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by moondebi, Jan 15, 2017.

  1. moondebi

    moondebi Member

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    Are most of the ‘single child’ mean or over possessive? Are they overtly miser? Are they alone?

    Couple of weeks back, these were some frantic queries of one of my colleagues who has a nine year old son (single child). According to the mom, the child is becoming arrogant, selfish, demanding blah...blah.

    He is the single child of a working couple. Parents are fulfilling all his demands to conceal the void of their absence. After managing their own professional demands, parents have little time to spend with the child.

    Finally, she sighed to repent on her decision to have only one child. According to her, had the boy have a sibling, he would have been more responsible.

    Do you agree?
     
  2. pwarbi

    pwarbi Active Member

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    Being an only child myself, I think that growing up it does make you more independent and you tend to grow up faster than those that have siblings that they can rely on. That may come across as arrogant and demanding, but I think that growing up on your own you have to be. When I was growing up all of my friends had brothers or sisters and they was a lot more happy-go-lucky than I was, because they knew they always had somebody to rely on or to back them up. I knew that if I didn't get what I wanted then I'd have to do without, I didn't have that safety net to rely on.

    As for being responsible then your friend might be right. Obviously growing up as an only child you don't have to have any responsibilities regarding others, and you do tend to just look after yourself more, but that's only because you have to. Growing up with a brother or sister would give you that sense of responsibility, and no amount of parenting can replace that I don't think.
     
  3. tyche

    tyche Active Member

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    My brother and I have an 8-year gap, and I was told that he wasn't happy when I was born. He wanted to be the only child and to have all the attention to himself. I think being an only child makes them self-centered that they would not want to have any other sibling. And it actually carried on to adulthood. My brother told me when I was 23 and him, 31, that he "doesn't really have a choice" when it comes to me being his sister. So I think being an only child creates that kind of attitude since they're used to have the attention of their parents all to themselves.
     
  4. Alexandoy

    Alexandoy Well-Known Member

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    My wife and I had been to Beijing, China last year. In one casual conversation with the hotel concierge, I mentioned the one-child policy in China. The response was not in the positive regarding the attitude of the child. According to one of the hotel staff, Bullying is common in China because the child knows that aside from being an only child, he is also the only grandchild of 2 sets of grandparents. That means he has no cousins. And since an only child is given everything, much is expected of the child. Those in the teenage years are having difficulty in adjusting to the social life that they should be in.
     
  5. Decentlady

    Decentlady Active Member

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    I think being a only child has a lot of disadvantages than advantages. You can't know the real feeling of having a sibling to start with and this you may realise later in adulthood when all your friends are visiting their siblings during festivals or occasions and you are just stuck all alone, long after your parents are gone.

    As a child being self centered, arrogant and greedy may surface as few negative qualities if you are from a rich background otherwise I don't really see it a real problem as long as the right parenting goes.
     
  6. janemarie

    janemarie Member

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    When I was young, I heard people say that single children were spoilt. Mainly because the parents would obviously have more money to spare and the child would get more. Whereas a child with siblings, the parents money has to be shared amongst them.

    Of course, it is true that two or more children in a family will stretch the parents money, but I don't think it is true that a child with no siblings is always spoilt.
     
  7. kamai

    kamai Active Member

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    In my opinion the boy is acting up not because he is an only child but because his parents are too busy to spend enough time with him. I mean getting what he wants is great but having the parents attention is greater. I think if they do have another child it would be good for the kids to have each others company but could be bad if the parents don't have time for either of them.
     
  8. pwarbi

    pwarbi Active Member

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    As I said before, I am an only child myself and while it does seem to be 'common knowledge' that we're spoiled, I never felt that way. In fact for me it probably worked out that my parents were more strict as they made sure that they didn't spoil me and went too far the other way just to make sure that they didn't.

    As far as the money goes, I do agree that my parents had more money because they only had the one child, it wasn't as if I got everything I wanted because of it. I still had to do jobs around the house to earn my pocket money and I had a paper round when I was 9 to earn my own money. Having only one child benefited my parents financially, but that didn't mean that it benefited me as the child.
     
  9. Miches

    Miches Active Member

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    I guess it would vary depending on their family's situation or their upbringing. My only child is not possessive, spoiled, or selfish though I am a very demonstrative person who makes him feel that he's very much loved and needed. I think most 'onlies' would want to have siblings and are a bit envious of classmates who have protective older sisters or brothers. If I ever regret just having one child, it would not be because he was spoiled or arrogant, but because I now realize that not having siblings will mean that he will not enjoy that special relationship and that he only has his cousins to turn to when I'm no longer around.
     
  10. Jasmin Cottontail

    Jasmin Cottontail Active Member

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    I guess it depends on the child's environment, the upbringing and the way how they make their child feel. Giving everything to your child doesn't exactly mean that it's enough, some children needs their parents presence rather than material things that's why some kids feel that they aren't loved even if their parents provide all their needs since their parents aren't always there for them. So some kids rebel or become brats and selfish as if they are seeking attention, that is why sometimes we can't blame them :(
     
  11. Nocturnal Writer

    Nocturnal Writer Active Member

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    Raising an only child is the most controversy issue as far as parenting is concerned. It is a general fact that an only child is usually taking advantage of all his needs. He is confident that they should be given by his parents. Well, that is as I have said a common notion of everyone. But in reality not all only child in the family is acting that way. I know some friends who are the only children in their respective family and they are not spoiled. They are too demanding. They respect their parents. Therefore, it is the manner of raising that only child that determines on how he behaves, on how he demands things, among others.
     
  12. pwarbi

    pwarbi Active Member

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    I have to agree and we can't just say that ALL only children are spoilt because it all depends on the way they have been bright up like you say. When I say that I am an only child the common question is "was you spoiled as a child?" and like I have said that is far from true. As long as a child is brought up to be respectful, honest and grateful for what they have, it doesn't matter if they are the only child or one of 10, they will be brought up the right way and won't be spoiled so I do think that it's a bit of a misconception.
     

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